I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
