i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
