They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
