just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
