Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
