she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
