Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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