He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
