I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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