I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You made out with two different species that night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
