Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He passed out mid-signature
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
