Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
