She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
