And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
