things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
