well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
