i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
