we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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