He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
