Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
