And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
two words...techno handjob
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
