Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
