she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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