You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
