i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
