The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
