conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
