I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
