Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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