As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
