Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
3pm strippers are depressing
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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