It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
