who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
