please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
