Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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