I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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