How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
