We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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