i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
