and you said cock pushups were impossible
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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