Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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