The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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