Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
