we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
