things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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