what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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