She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
