DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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