I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
