Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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