I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
